Who Cares?
October 23, 2024
Writer: Morgan Perry
Editor: Lily Weinstein
The phrase “you are your own worst critic” is the most underrated truth. From checking yourself out in the mirror a little too often to intensely examining every photo you're featured in, it is typical human behavior to overanalyze your being. In a world where everything is recorded, observed, and seemingly ridiculed, I find myself asking: who really cares?
As a society, we get so hung up on painting a seemingly perfect portrait of our lives that we forget the only person truly watching us closely is ourselves. For some strange reason, we hold ourselves to an impossible standard while simultaneously being the understanding, advice-giving friend to those we care about, as we would never judge them for their little mistakes. So what makes our faults so different? The simple answer is that we give far too much credit to others’ opinions. People often believe that those around them are watching their every move, silently judging and critiquing when, in reality, everyone is too busy focusing on themselves to give a second look to anyone else. As cognitive therapist, Dr. Emma D. Levine explains it, “the spotlight effect [is] the tendency to feel and behave as if we are the focus of attention from an ‘audience’ that shares our preoccupations and insecurities about ourselves.” This ideology describes how we often feel intense pressure to act a certain way when we are insecure or worried, causing us to seek the approval of others as if they are sitting front row at our one-man show. Some people, typically those encountering a more vulnerable time in their lives, are susceptible to feeling this more than others. Though it’s not easy to merely step off of the center stage in your doubt-filled mind, there are some steps you can take to reclaim your mental security.
Time to yourself is truly a gift. It is a time set aside for reflection, self-enjoyment, and relaxation; it is likely the only time during the day that you can give 100% of your attention to your brain and bodily needs. For many people, undergoing an influx of social interactions within a short period can be incredibly draining, further explaining why being alone can allow individuals to recharge. The more comfortable someone is doing activities alone, the more secure they are in themselves and their actions, further invalidating external noise.
Enjoying the fresh air has no limits. The sunlight on your skin and the breeze through your hair are sometimes the only sensations you need to clear your mind. On top of absorbing the benefits of the great outdoors, walking is a low-impact exercise that naturally releases endorphins which reduce stress, and dopamine which increases mood. Walking is exceptionally versatile; it can be a low-energy expenditure, spent as quiet alone time, or as an energetic weekly debrief alongside friends. Regardless of the walking style, moving our bodies allows us to feel more confident and regain control over our bodies. Until this year, I always placed spending time outdoors low on my priority list, believing that school should always come first. This, however, couldn’t be further from the truth as no academic validation will ever be more important than mental and physical well-being. Recently, I have noticed that after my walks, it becomes easier to focus on what is important to me, as my head becomes clear of unnecessary doubts or concerns about my every move.
Therapy is one of the most helpful tools for regulating emotions; when used correctly and honestly, therapy offers an incredibly comfortable environment that favors self-focus and reflection. Skills such as setting boundaries, having personal goals to work towards, and being mindful are all skills that allow people to place their focus back on their desires and away from the thoughts of others. Being able to have a reliable and confidential person to console, free from restraint, provides a sense of security and sensitivity that allows honest conversations. Most universities offer a given number of free or cost-reduced therapy sessions for the benefit of mental health on campuses, so taking advantage of those resources while you’re still a student could greatly benefit your outlook on life–especially during these final years of brain development.
All in all, it is crucial to understand that we truly are our own worst critics. Through embracing solitude and nature, as well as confiding in a professional, we can each navigate the world of overthinking. Most important, however, is the practice of self-compassion; you would never judge a friend for a minor imperfection in their life and you should never judge yourself in that manner, either. The process of self-love is an ongoing journey that spans a lifetime. Every step you take towards accepting yourself–flaws and all–is a step toward a happier and healthier you.
Work Cited
G, W. R. (n.d.). Why people don’t care as much as you think they do. Headspace. https://www.headspace.com/articles/people-dont-care
