Solo but Not Sullen: The Bittersweet Truths of Growing Up an Only Child
November 12, 2024
Writer: Morgan Perry
“Do you ever wish you had siblings?” is always the first question I get after revealing my only-child upbringing. While the short answer is “not really,” it does make me wonder if I missed out on an irreplaceable relationship. I’ve often pondered what my life would have looked like with brothers and sisters—would it have been better, worse, more irritating, or more fulfilling?
Growing up, all of my best friends had at least two siblings. When the time came to decide who would host the weekend sleepovers, I always begged them to, claiming that their house was more fun and filled with commotion. The laughter, noise, and occasional fights brought me a strange sense of comfort. It was a kind of noise that I wasn’t used to, yet it filled a void I didn’t know existed. When COVID began, I was a freshman in high school. My best friend’s dad didn’t want people coming in and out of their house, so instead of spending my time off from school alone, I decided to stay with her family for nearly two months. My time spent at their house felt like a dream; there were endless jokes, someone was always making a fuss, and I had no time to think about any real issues in my life. Seemingly overnight, I transformed from an only child to a fifth child, tagging along for every adventure the family discovered.
While this period of my life was blessed with round-the-clock entertainment, I began to feel detached from the routine of my everyday life at home. I went from having time alone to longing for a minute of silence—even when the house was quiet, someone was always in the vicinity. My room at home was untouched, unshared, and unbothered. I had no sisters stealing my clothes and shoes, nor brothers destroying my belongings, and I began to realize those are things I could live without. It took time, but I eventually learned to embrace my childhood, finally understanding that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. In fact, it was my unique childhood that gave me a bond like no other: one with my mom.
Yes, most daughters have a tight-knit relationship with their moms; however, I know for a fact my relationship with my mom is unlike any other. While I won’t sit here and say that my mom loves me more than most moms love their kids, I will say that we are closer because it’s inevitable. My parents got divorced when I was young, meaning that my whole life was spent around my mom– no other kids or adults, it was just the two of us. Even when my stepdad came into the picture, the time spent with my mom was never-ending.
I distinctly remember being a junior in high school and not being able to go a single day without arguing; I told my stepdad that “she can never admit when she's wrong, even when she’s been proven incorrect.” He stood there, smiling and I stood there, visually aggravated. When he finally realized that his expression wasn’t clicking in my mind, he exclaimed, “You do the exact same thing!” Ironically enough, I began to form my rebuttal to his argument. Thankfully, before any words came out of my mouth, I made the honest comparison that the apple really didn’t fall far from the tree, even on the rare occasion that I wished it did. With my mom by my side, I hardly felt a desire to have a sibling. After all, we loved, we fought, we laughed; what else could a girl need?
Reflecting upon the love I have for my mom and the majority of my childhood leaves me perplexed. While I wouldn’t trade our relationship for anything in the world, I would never choose to have only one child. My ideal future entails a home of three children who lean on each other for support. Only children feel the pressure of their parents exceptionally more than most kids, meaning failure is often devastating for them. I want my children to live and learn, experiencing mistakes and understanding that their flaws are no greater than anyone else’s. Siblings push each other out of their comfort zones while simultaneously being a shoulder to lean on. Side by side, siblings are designed to navigate life together, building a deeper and longer-lasting bond with each day spent supporting each other.
My childhood holds a sacred place in my heart, as it has shaped me into the person I am today. The special bond I share with my mom and the unshared space I had to reflect and grow were gifts only made possible due to my upbringing, and for that, I will forever be grateful. As I look into the future, however, a different beacon of light shines. This is a light filled with messy rooms, marked-up walls, constant laughter, and chaos. My future represents my life transcending into the lives of my children; a home emerging from a love between siblings. Change is inevitable, and this change is one that I’m going to create—not for myself, but for the future of my family.
