The Unspoken Rules of Group Chats

April 17, 2025

Writer: Pavitra Sugatan

Editor: Victoria Pescod

Group chats are one of those things that seem simple on the surface. You throw a bunch of people into a digital space, and voilà—communication! But anyone who's been in a group chat for more than five minutes knows it’s not that straightforward. Group chats have their own rhythm, their own energy, and most importantly, their own set of unspoken rules. No one writes them down. No one talks about them. But break one? Oh, you’ll know it.

The first and most sacred rule: don’t be the first to leave. Even if the chat has been dead for weeks, months, or even years. Even if it was made for a one-time project that ended a semester ago. Tapping “Leave Chat” feels like committing a crime, because it doesn’t happen quietly. Your name shows up in bold for everyone to see—“[Your Name] left the chat.” No explanation, no goodbye. Just poof. It’s basically the digital version of standing up in the middle of dinner and walking out without saying a word. And suddenly, people are wondering: are they mad? Why did they leave? Did we do something wrong? Always the start to some kind of lore. 

Then there’s the art of lurking. Everyone does it to some degree. Maybe you’re not in the mood to contribute, or maybe you just don’t have anything to say, or maybe you just like observing. That’s fair. But when someone drops an important question—say, about who's bringing what to Friendsgiving or who’s taking the lead on the PowerPoint presentation—and all they get back is radio silence with four “read” receipts, it starts to sting. You can practically hear the echo of “...hello?” across the group. And then of course it gets slightly awkward when you see them in person and realize that you still haven’t answered their text from over two days ago. 

Timing is another delicate thing. Group chats are 24/7 by design, but that doesn’t mean that the time you send your message doesn’t matter. Message at 2 a.m.? You’re an insomniac and will most definitely not be online until 2 pm the next day. No replies after 10 pm? You definitely haven’t experienced the joy that is late night spam and Game Pigeon games. Either way, though, the time you text says a lot about your personality and it’s definitely smart to be aware of which personality you’re presenting to a given group chat.

Speaking of presentation, name and photo changes? That’s like changing the vibe of the entire group chat with one swift move. When it’s done well—like turning “HIST 302” into something like “Chronically Behind”—it becomes an instant classic. But too many changes too fast, or one that no one understands, and suddenly everyone’s questioning your validity. The group chat, after all, has an identity. You can’t just rebrand it every Tuesday.

And let’s not forget emoji reactions, which have become the group chat’s version of body language. A laughing emoji can say “this is hilarious” or be the utmost epitome of sarcasm.  A thumbs up might mean “got it,” or it might mean “I didn’t read this but I’m pretending I did.” My personal favorite has to be the exclamation emoji; there’s just something about emphasizing everything. Anyhow even though it’s subtle, it matters. Because in group chats, everything is read between the lines.

Probably the most important rule, though, is knowing how not to be that person. Don’t flood the chat with ten separate texts that could’ve been one. Don’t derail a real conversation with memes (unless that’s the point of the chat). Don’t take forever to respond to plans, then say “I’m down” two hours after the event already happened. It’s all about social awareness. Group chats may be casual, but the stakes are most definitely there.

In the end, group chats are this strange, whimsical mix of chaos and connection. They can be the birthplace of inside jokes, the hub of spontaneous plans, or the chaotic mess that gets nothing done but somehow still works. And as long as you follow the unwritten rules, you’ll be just fine.

Or you’ll find your receipts featured on someone’s Snapchat or Instagram spam story :)